The Secret Origins and Biography of Chuck Norris, Mustachules, and Hulk Hogan

A lot of people have been asking about the secret origins and Biography of Chuck Norris, and Mustachules and what these two powerhouses have to do with Hulk Hogan.

To dive into this subject, it is first important to understand the gargantuan role that Mustachules and Chuck Norris have played throughout history.  Most of these facts were difficult to obtain, as I had to do massive archeological excavations in Egypt, just to obtain the 3 golden scrolls that contained the information therein.

4 members of our team were killed by giant spiders in the underground Egyptian caves, another one was impaled by a mummy, but it was completely worth it for the information we were able to obtain, and for the first time it is now being shared with the world.

I’d like to thank Jon, Eddie, Mumford, Jed, and Munson for bravely sacrificing their lives so this project could be a reality.  I would also like to thank the Mormon Church for lending me the Urim and Thummim(the translation device used by Joseph Smith to write the Book of Mormon) so I could translate the 3 golden scrolls with such perfect accuracy.

For sake of time, we’ll keep this short and cover the highlights. According to legend, the time of the dinosaurs was very hard for man; they were constantly being hunted down by velociraptors, and hadn’t even invented fire yet.  One day, things changed when a mighty ball of fire fell from the sky and destroyed the mighty lizards with one magnanimous blow.  As man came from their caves, they witnessed a mighty, muscled man emerging as a lurid vision from the wreckage, with the most beautiful, perfect mustache the world had ever seen.

This was the day Mustachules came to earth.  Mustachules is an Alien Symbiont warlord from the Delphi Galaxy with the rare gift of immortality.  Mustachules ruled the simple people of earth for years, as they gained intelligence and wisdom.  Under the direction of their mighty ruler, the pyramids were built, an architectural feat that still cannot be duplicated today.  Being that Mustachules is immortal, he must choose a new “Host” every hundred years or so.  This is the reason that so many of the mightiest leaders in history have had such astonishing facial hair.

We haven’t discovered every single host yet, but these are some of the facts that we do know from the golden scrolls:

1. Mustachules, Known today as “Ken Well’s Mustache,” delivered man from the dinosaurs, gave the gift of fire, and built the pyramids in ancient Egypt.
2. Around the year 3000 b.c.  Mustachules took on a human mate and they had a single son; he is known today as the indestructible icon: Chuck Norris. The reason Chuck Norris has such impressive body hair covering almost every inch of his frame is because he is in fact half human, half immortal mustache.
3. Though most Egyptian art shows otherwise, all Pharaohs actually had a massive mustache just like the one you see in this rare artifact.  I’m sure you already know who and what that mustache was.
4. When Mustachules began to disagree with the leadership of the Pharaohs, he jumped ship, melded with Moses, and helped lead the people to safety by parting the red sea.  Obviously, his son, Chuck Norris, was by his side delivering mighty roundhouse kicks to all that crossed their path.
5. Genghis Khan was one lucky recipient of the mighty Mustachules, which is why we was able to so effortlessly conquer the nations.  Chuck Norris was his number 1 lieutenant.
6. In the mid 1800′s Mustachules joined forces with the Mormon prophet Brigham Young, and helped lead the oppressed Mormons across the plains.  This time he took an odd style change, and chose to be a mighty neck beard instead of a glorious Mustache.  It has been thought that the lascivious influence of the mighty alien is the driving factor that led Brigham to have so many wives.
7. The next bond was an unlikely one, but Mustachules wanted to give the gift of knowledge to the world, so he melded with Einstein and gave us the theory of relativity.
8. Next in line was none other that Ken Wells. Ken’s astonishingly perfect upper lip and love for building pyramids made him the obvious choice.  Ken and Mustachules are currently working together to build the mightiest pyramid the world has ever seen; Click Here To Discover It…
9. In the early 70′s, Hulk Hogan sought the help of Mustachules and tracked him down to the mountains of Tibet, where Ken and Mustachules were on a spiritual journey completing their powerful bond.  The mighty Mustache refused to switch hosts, but saw that the Hulk was a worthy soul and he gifted him with a single hair.  It is from this lone strand that Hulk’s magnificent handle-bar was spawned, and he was given the power to become the mightiest wrestler of all time.

Today, Ken Wells and Hulk Hogan are proudly wearing their mighty mustaches and building their empires to the greatest pyramid the world has ever seen.  Both have made an attempt to sponsor Chuck Norris, but we all know how family doesn’t always listen to our opportunities.

We’ve got a great position for you when you are ready Chuck.  Our goal is to unite the mighty mustache Trio under one banner so the world can understand the true power of the mighty Mustachules.  Whats it ganna be Chuck, will you join with Hulk Hogan and Ken Wells to complete the Trinity?

Click Here, or suffer the wrath of the mighty Mustache,

Aki Wood: MLM Genius
Phone: 858-345-4891
Email: aki@akiwood.com

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